Where do we draw the line between sexual harassment and compliment?

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This generation has seen the advancement of many sexual abuse campaigns by women, and many rape accusations too—both false and true. And I thought it would be great to have a conversation around this topic using relatable stories. 


Recently, I saw a campaign by some women, holding placards—it was about their experiences of sexual harassment. 


  • One of them said a guy approached her to ask for her phone number, and she counts that as “sexual harassment”. 
  • Another woman said: “a man approached me and said I looked sexy”.


After seeing all these campaigns and clamoring, the question in my head was; “what is sexual harassment?” The Oxford dictionary defines sexual harassment as “behavior characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.”


So as it seems, a sexual remark becomes inappropriate when it is “unwelcome” by the receiver, but otherwise, it will not count as sexual harassment. If for example a guy meets a girl at a club or social setting and tells her she looks “sexy” if she smiles back and says “thanks”, this doesn’t count as sexual harassment? But if she doesn’t, then she can hold the guy responsible for sexually harassing her with his remarks? These are questions! 


Scenarios:


1. A friend of mine once told me how the police were shockingly called on him in a pub (in Brighton, UK) for sexual harassment after he complimented the waitress saying she looked “beautiful.” He said that was the most embarrassing day of his life, more so because according to him, his compliment to the waitress was innocuous and genuine, and because she truly was beautiful. But to his greatest surprise, the next thing he saw was the police!



2. Just as I was writing this piece (while traveling on the train), a man who just got on the train (a total stranger) told the lady sitting a few seats next to him that she’s got “very nice eyes”; and she responded with a massive “thank you”. (This was such an apt scenario, considering I was writing about this at the time. lol). But assuming she didn’t respond in that manner, would the man’s compliment count as sexual harassment?


3. I recall when I had a new hairdo, there were countless occasions where people (including male security personnel at the train station, random guys/girls at the mall—old and young) approached me just to say how much they loved my look, and that I looked really beautiful. Now, I wonder if these can count as sexual harassment?


4. On a different occasion, I was on my way to the bus station struggling to carry my two heavy shopping bags all by myself, and in that process, the zip on my dress got destroyed, unknown to me. It was a male stranger who approached me and hinted to me about my torn zip. Not only that, but he also offered to help me carry my heavy shopping bag till we got to the bus station where he then went his way. I’m sharing this story because this “stranger” later told me how skeptical he was about approaching me at first. After all, he was scared that it could be interpreted as sexual harassment.


Many guys now shy away from genuinely approaching a lady they like, lending a helping hand to girls, or even complimenting women, because it can be turned around as “sexual abuse”.


Photocredit: Guardian


There are so many “me-too” campaigns and clamoring, but I think it is pertinent for us to know what drives these campaigns, and what counts as “me too” before we end up incriminating people wrongly. 


I will like to know what you think about this. Share your experience too. 



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